Sometimes I watch the humans around me and wonder what are you doing? Humans are very odd creatures, have you noticed it to? They don’t seem to follow the rules of ‘dog’ and end up looking ever so funny. I mean they walk on two paws for a start, who would ever have thought of that!
The past week I spent time human watching and here is my top 10 strange things humans do:
1. Wearing Clothes.
They spend ages picking through their big boxes of clothes each day, I mean all you need is a collar and you’re ready for the day – so much quicker as well, just clip and go!
Every day – often more than once they have to wash and I don’t mean giving themselves a good lick! Oh no they use clean water and frothy stuff and it makes them smell clean! It’s crazy they wash off the dirt what’s up with that?
3. Silly Voices
Why do they talk at us in this weird high pitched voice? It’s not like I can’t understand you in your normal voice, I just choose not to most the time!
4. The Bed
Hello human I need to be near you while you snore and look at what you doing! Taking up so much room, this dog need to stretch you know, just give me a little bit more space OK.
Why do you insist on telling me off for barking, I mean don’t you realise that each of those people might be coming to your door and me barking makes sure they keep walking, I’m really doing you such a favour.
They don’t sniff bottoms; I mean just how they can trust a newcomer without this effective check!
They seem to be obsessed with my poo! Every time I do one, they pick it up, sometimes carrying it around the streets with them; they are even known to get in lengthy conversations about it? Oh yes I hear you!
Why do you not want to play at night humans? I mean I’ve had my rest in the evening after my dinner and I’m ready and raring to go again, you just yawn and say it’s bedtime!
They talk in nice voices to the strange man who arrives with a sack of paper, they call letters. I mean who needs this, they just throw it away and the brown covered letters make them cry sometimes. Then they get crotchety when I show my teeth at him!
10. Street Food
I find free food on the streets and sometimes it is ever so tasty but the humans just shout at me to drop it. I don’t get it? I’m saving them time having to dish out my food and don’t tell them this, but it also tastes so much nicer.
I can’t be the only pooch who notices these odd tendencies right?